Close All

Finally back to blog. nothing better to do. long time never relax. i feel nothing change even though nothing is going to happen. i should be feeling ease and happy enjoying my life. smile smile smile, i didnt because i couldnt. i dunno why.

anyway, i will spend time to just chill and calm myself alone. eat drink play alone? how i wish i can find that right one. i gonna emo soon. haiz. bye.

well. this few days i was low peak, because i eat chocolate and break my front tooth. i really making a big fuss over just a tooth. However, my frens console me. "you will gain something when you lose something." oh well, it was really not obvious for others to spot my teeth. but i never fail to keep showing others and everyone "Eeee".

i'm going for amk polyclinic for appointment on monday. hope i will come out with my nice teeth. but if there's nothing done, i dont need to fix it till army i guess. Arg. didnt went to gym again. feel sad. didnt went swimming also. but this few days i'm resting well at home. and i plan for the next few years what i am going to do.

hopefully my gpa increase or maintain. hope to apply and get in SIT. i will strike hard to make my parents proud. i know i dont intend to go that far. but i will definitely work hard in uni and i want get a degree. that's all. now i need to plan what to do for christmas. seeya.

today. i finally get back blogging. because it's so impt that i need to blog. haix. my fake teeth drop. makes me totally so damn sad. i dont have the guts to take a step out my door man, darn it.

working is really relax. but dont really like do calling. boring.

me. i really dunno what's going wrong. i always stay strong. and i refuse to get back what i use to be. it's a good thing. but. i really dunno how long can i last. i dunno. just. let it be that way. i lose my mood. totally cant even sleep. all thanks to the itchy mouth and the darn hard chocolate.

Bad. where should i start off with... this few days i have been struggling hard finding jobs and doing my website. i'm happy i done my website and have a ease of mind. next, i feel very F^ again. i dunno why. just always happen to do so, and thats the reason why i'm still not sleeping at this point of time. my depression came back again. slightly not too bad. however, i am really so worry about future stuff and things like that. it's never goes off and i know one thing in mind, time is passing every minute and second. things are getting nearer and nearer even if you dont realise. stress up man.

good news, calvin is coming back. i so called manage to stable my bad habit. living good nowadays. there is no more night life like drinking and drunk. i'm feeling more comfortable being alone most of the time and i manage to go out with my parents for breadfast. it's really a very enjoyable thing to me in life. reason because i always have one thing is mind. i'm so lucky to have my parents around and the love from them. they grow me up well and i really treasure them so hell lot. i wish i could be like a child remain like 10 years ago, my dad always piggyback me when i fall asleep in the floor and he will carry me to my bed. my mum will always make bottle milk for me to wake me up. it's like, god, thank you so much. i'm really really so happy. it's really made me dropping my tears. ya. sometimes i always made the mistake to treasure things when i lose them. but now, a clear in mind, i love my parents all the way and i promise i will give them a better living when i'm out for work in the future. i will give them the best that i can. i really wish to hope i can earn a stable income and bring them for retirement and enjoy all around the world. but, i have a perfect dream in mind, a wonderful wife (her), a great parents (my dad & mum), children (hope for a son and daughter) to stay together. WOW. how i wish this could happen right now in reality.

ya. i shall end right here. i'm tired. night. =)

well, today wasnt a good day for me. it's august 11. yup. a very special day to me, i have problems about what i am doing right now. full of arguments and never stop ending. i dunno what to do. i need a true define answer. but i cant find anyone that really able to convinces me with it.

life really tough. i back to that how i used to be 3 mths ago. just that life not that havoc now. i manage to control and stay what i am. no more bad stuff.

alright. i'm sleepy. sucks. night

well, well, well... always using facebook. and the only thing i did was to stalk people and see how other's are now. and, the next thing i always did was, emo, emo, emo. just feeling so F^. it's like, when you look at some things, you will feel how lucky you are when you used to have those. but now it's gone and you will really feel that one word. F^. and guess what, i can only sit right here and suck thumb. i dunno how to explain. nvm, time to isolated and be alone.

justin went in army 4 days ago. jh going in police tml. calvin coming back on 6 of sept. and what am i suppose to do now? i couldn't sleep. i'm totally no mood at all right now. everything seems to be sux up. i'm filled full of frustration, anger, stress right now. Everything changes right from the start. i guess, i still need some time to digest. God. what is my purpose in life? what is the goal i want in life? and what will i get and be in the future? if inception is possible, i wish it could be happen to me.

i shall listen some songs and maybe get to bed soon i guess. F^. night.

wooooo, went to universal studio today. it was totally amazing and wild. everything is so fun. there so much thrilling, exciting and awesome stuff over there. everything is like WOW, WOW, WOW. i give a 5 Star rated. definitely worth the money except that it is really crowded and you have to queue quite long for those station. approm. 30 mins each. But still worth, trust me.

it's been so hell long i didnt enjoy myself happy and had all these fun. and most impt, i found out something that is meaningful to me.

this is what came into my mind, "There is people treasure every moment and opportunity in life; while some chose to give up and waste their life."
i realize that i am really very lucky and fortunate. i saw a incident and it trigger my heart and wake up my mind. i got thoughts about asking myself why am i so lucky? i feel that i dont deserve what god give me for the past few years. i can run, i can jump, i can do anything i want. But not everyone are able to does that. i feel totally heart broken. how i wish, i could exchange good things with others, i dont mind exchanging. really. BECAUSE I FEEL OTHERS CAN ACHIEVE MORE THAT WHAT I COULD IN LIFE. i feel so F^. i waste 21 years of my life, doing nonsense stuff. I dunno why, but it seems like i am following people doing silly things. i have ruined my life. i am not good in studies and neither sports, what i know is to drink and drunk. WTH. but i want to thank god. i strength my determination, perseverance and my own stands. i shall change for the last time i said. night.